Rebels Of The Nil By Mouth

The current media and 'social commentators' would have you believe that Britain is dissolving amidst a flurry of teenage rampages, crime and illicit drugs. That we are heading down the path of no return. I tend to agree in most part but if we are going to implode in a ball of blood and vice, I hope the young bandits are capable of sending us on our way with a bit more style.
Im talking about this craze of legal highs thats whipping the country. Readers here will think me irresponsible but I have to ask, why on earth are youngsters today messing around with legal drugs? Websites are filled with things called Snow Blow, Retro Pills, Underground Doves, Smoking Herbs and the latest stimulant pariah, mephedrone, also known as Meow Meow, M-Cat and Bubble. Who honestly wants to take these ridiculous sounding 'drugs'? The names are as weak as the ingredients in the substances.
'Hey man, wanna come out and shoot some Meow Meow?' 'Nah dude, I got me some retro pills to chill out to!' Sounds more like the Milky Bar Kid than Billy the Kid to me. Nevermind the danger, I would die of shame if caught dabbling with this garbage. I don't understand it, and maybe with ever advancing footsteps into middle age Im not supposed to 'get it', but I can't see the big thrill.
If somebody wants to take drugs (and heres where I become irresponsible again) then for the love of rock n' roll and all that is 'Outlaw' please take the time to seek out REAL drugs. Preferably ones sold by a skinny, acne-ridden dealer on a dodgy housing estate who is willing to take your DVD collection as a chemical part exchange. There is nothing like playing in the big boys arena to make one feel alive. (Even if the 'alive' bit isn't for long.)
In the area I grew up, drugs started to arrive on the scene in the early 1990's and I found myself readily indulging in their X Rated delights. Cannabis wasn't high on my list of favourites (excuse the pun) but I embraced the comforts of valium and morphine with every heartstring tugging on my lovebone. Apart from the obvious charming sedative effects of those drugs, it was daring and utterly dangerous. The ritual of unsheathing a new syringe from its plastic wrapper, dissolving the morphine on a spoon, then drawing some blood before pushing the plunger into a plump vein was very attractive. It was sheer hedonistic bliss, always flirting with a deadly consequence.
All that is slowly disappearing because the kids are getting tame in their chosen poisons. Sure these 'legal highs' have their dangers but however number of bodybags they rack up, having the word LEGAL associated with a drug kind of dumbs it down a little. Its like someone dying of drinking too much water.
All drugs, illegal or not, contain the ingredients for calamity of course, and mess with either for long enough and you will find yourself on the wrong end of sanity or life. But at least the heroin crowd had the stomach to hold both barrels to their face before pulling the trigger, instead of tip toeing around the baby drugs found on dodgy websites.
If you are going to mess with addiction then do so wearing snakeskin boots because nothing is so embarrassing as an appetite for death if you are going to step off your self erected gallows in carpet slippers.