Alcoholics Adubious

The promise of A.A is a very sincere one. Abstain from alcohol and a better life awaits; a sober, clear life filled with hope. But is this really so? Is it all sweetness and light or are there pitfalls and dark corners? To be fair they never really claim to be THE answer and neither do they claim the road will be a comfortable one. There are however a lot of members who seem to have replaced their alcohol addiction with A.A addiction.
I had alcohol issues (re. couldn't stop boozing) throughout my 20's and as a result by 25 I spent a month at a very secluded, very upmarket private rehab. It was there that I had my first taste of A.A and it repulsed me. I was instantly sick of it. Sure the message was good, a day at a time helps to stay sober, but the way it was put forth was very 'wet' which is unfortunate for a group who preach abstinence.
It has a lot of God talk, and speaks of handing oneself over to a 'higher power' which I concede in these troubling times is not such a bad thing, but there's a lot more to it than that. Something cultish.
In the 20 meetings I was forced to attend (its all included with a rehab package holiday) I witnessed a frightening amount of people who had become obssessed with the A.A ritual. They had indeed got sober but in doing so had merely swapped their addiction to the sauce for the mighty mouth of the sermon. Time and time again I heard people, good people at that, beat themselves up over regret and anguish whilst others in the group nodded in condolences. I thought at the time that it was a bit like how it must have been watching people in the stocks in the 17th century. I still do, it was an uncomfortable experience, especially when one saw how nice these people were without their 'band of gold'. (My term for anyone who has religion).
The phrases too irked me. Things like 'Keep Coming Back' and 'It Too Shall Pass' are heavy on optimism but hold little of anything of actual substance. It seems to me an idle hope thrown to someone in dire distress, when that person needs actual physical and spiritual help, not a line tossed to him from the sober.
The programme of Alcoholics Anonymous has predictibly slithered on to the world wide web also. Put in the words 'sobriety' 'alcohol' or anything to do with A.A and you will discover a multitude of websites preaching a 'new life' and promising a better time without alcohol and drugs. Invariably these places are full to the brim of 'clean' people who hold their sobriety as an example to us wretches who still imbibe. I am aware of the fact they wish us 'normal' drinkers a happy time in our alcoholically soaked pursuits but I have a difficult time in believing them to be sincere. Deep down they must envy us and occasionaly an odd comment here and there, laced with a tinge of spite proves this to be utterly true.
I have no problem in alcholics getting themselves into recovery and achieving sobriety but the ways of some of A.A's most ardent supporters shows me it is not all harmony, indeed if it were then it could not have inspired this very piece that you are reading.
Their belief that once an alcoholic one can never again return to normal drinking is flawed.I know this to be true because I myself was alcoholic throughout my twenties. Hardly a day went by without some incident that had its seed in booze, whether it was me actually under the influence or recovering from yet another disastrous binge. I would start the day at 7am with a few cans of super strength lager or half a bottle of vodka, and continue this all day until Id pass out only to wake up early evening to repeat it all again. Plus I used pills like they were going out fashion. If this isn't alcoholic behaviour I don't know what is, but I can say now that im in my 30's I am able to drink with no ill effects. So the sober mantra is definately not the only one to seek out. I simply grew tired of the chaos that heavy drinking brings and shrugged my shoulders and decided that moderation was the key. Self abuse is always YOUR decision, very rarely is something out of your grasp.
I felt miserable sitting in the confines of an A.A meeting and not because of the sad stories being thrown about like cheap suits but by the narrow vision of those there. They had been suckered into believing the only way was abstinence, and for a lot of us it is not.
If people are happy in their new found life then this is all that matters, however there are those I have come across who are not happy in sobriety. They have a desire to drink but have been told by the A.A preachers that it 'does get better'. This shallow promise does little to quell the rising urge to have a drink, and more often nutures resentment in the person who wishes to drink.
How good can flexing negative vibes be? This I believe is the reason that the majority of drinkers relapse into old habits. Being told there is only one way is very final, and most would like to test the boundaries.
All I saw in A.A (and continue to see on internet forums)convinced me how shaky the whole idea is. And how some members become robots rather than human. Any trouble flares up and they say 'Keep Coming Back' and repeat it over and over like a prayer that will somehow make the trouble disappear. They use words instead of action and trust more in the 'Big Book' than they do their own hearts. A perilous journey opens through blind faith and hope.
Plus great things were created from alcohol and drugs: The Who, The Stones, any writer or actor worth his/her salt. Sobriety creates nothing. Never does.
There are a lot of Christians in A.A but if Jesus Christ ever did come back to earth they would not believe it was him because they struggle to believe me when I tell them I have indeed recovered from alcoholism and can now drink again without craving.